Hi. I am taking a blog pause at the moment. Till then.

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Thursday, August 23, 2012

Self Portrait : Mental Breakdown

Sounds not inspiring?
 MENTAL BREAKDOWN
WARNING:
I don't mean to be self pity nor expose negativity in my blog.
I apologize if you find my post is gross.
If you feel like me below which start overtaking your life you may want to get professional help. 
I don't try to be funny or offensive to anyone.
This post is not safe for children.

.
WHEN I AM IN MENTAL BREAKDOWN
I am blues.
I am cold.
I am passive and dysfunctional, could be said.
Or worse: emotional numbness. 
I don't have feeling to the lovely happenings in the world of joy.
Socially awkward.
Droopy eyes starring empty.
Overtaken by dark clouds but I can't help it.
Plus hormone can be mean too.





I tried to smile.
I captured when I pretend to smile and finally could honestly cry. But I failed to cry longer. Back to emotional numbness.



I didn't dress up, I didn't wash my hair. You can see my styringomas around my eyes.

As a little bit better I tried so hard to save my interests by accessing what easy to me:
  • browsing fashion images, 
  • watching some episodes of Vampire Diaries, Two and a Half Men and Desperate Housewives in one go (without emotionally involved), 
  • craving the cheapest chocolate bars I could get, 
  • eating a pack of peanuts then letting the junks on the floor, 
  • and entering some easy steps giveaways (quite an effort for me who claimed to be dysfunctional).

 Because of the stress and bad position in front of screen (probably) or could be poisoned by three too hot Indian chillies mixed with overdose of chocolate (perhaps), I threw up like forever that night.



Two last photos are my blues in 2005! I threw my books and magazine out from storage. But then I spent my time reorganizing them and felt a bit better.

I have been dealing with psychological issues since many years ago. Unfortunately there were no such thing and enough knowledge about. There were probably only either I am weak, weird or a bad person, and heard that everybody has problem. It didn't help at all! A professional was not pretty affordable either. I had series of unfortunate events, a collective of confusing manipulating situations, failed to solve problems, rebellious desicions followed by extreme changes in life. Let say, it's life?

One day I watch an episode of Oprah Show about depression and co. and it was the day this word exist in my mind for the first time!

I just wish to that whoever feel the same: walk on, no drugs, alcohol, no self harming.

........

Take care and be strong!
I wish you happy week and thanks for reading.

Nataya



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17 comments:

  1. You are so pretty. ^^

    ReplyDelete
  2. Graet Post. I follow your Blog now.
    Please follow me.
    A.

    dramaticmode.blogspot.it

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi dear¡¡ I follow you back like I promised¡¡ I follow your Fb like Diana Capri, Follow back my fan page?? :-) We keep in touch¡¡ Kisses from Spain¡ :-)

    PS: really nice pics¡¡

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hello dear
    thnks for your lovely comment
    your blog is great
    followed you on GFc
    kisses

    ReplyDelete
  5. @all: Thankyou everyone, your comments really mean alot! So motivating. I visit you surely very soon:)

    ReplyDelete
  6. wow..what's happening? Why are you blue...don't be! This world is beautiful!! Stay cool:)


    EDGYMIX Bloglovin
    EDGYMIX-TRAVEL FOR FASHION

    ReplyDelete
  7. Just passing through (found this blog on bloggers.com), but had to stop and comment. THANK YOU for being brave enough to post something so personal. Your text and images capture the essence of depression so well, and how difficult it can be for others to understand. I hope that a professional has become more affordable and that things are looking up for you now. Stay strong!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Nice post! Love the portraits!

    xoxo


    http://www.thegaragestarlets.com/

    ReplyDelete
  9. I read your text and don't really know what o say.. I think it must be hard but everything comes to an end dear:) be strong, wish all the best!
    also I'm following your on bloglovin too! I would love to follow each other on GFC :) please let me know once you follow me and I will follow you back!!!

    Leonor
    thesparklinglemon.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  10. You have such pretty hair!

    Now following :)

    Love from nyc,
    www.nicolealyse.com

    ReplyDelete
  11. u look beautiful without makeup or any facade. Nice pictures and loved reading the post

    www.styledestino.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  12. I first I thought you had a tooth ache, that sucks.

    ReplyDelete
  13. AMAZING PICS!!!

    http://estilohedonico.blogspot.pt/

    xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  14. Hi, everyone, thankyou thankyou, I survive! Your comments really help me more than you might think. Indeed I just realize that my face in photos looked rather like tooth ache:))Hahaha.

    @Lauren and Leonor: such sweet hearts, means a lot to me! I do my best to keep live strong in mind.

    HUGS!

    ReplyDelete

Your comments color me, thankyou! By the way, it would be easier for me to get back to you if you leave your URL in HTML tag. :) See you!

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